Wed 24 Jan 2007
It’s time for another Smut Report this week. After discussing horrendously large breasts and anal sex workshops, we look at pornographic computer games.
Wed 24 Jan 2007
It’s time for another Smut Report this week. After discussing horrendously large breasts and anal sex workshops, we look at pornographic computer games.
January 26th, 2007 at 12:13 am
I keep a very close eye on the TV schedules for the much anticipated Channel 4 ‘wank week’ and so far it has failed to appear. As soon as I hear anything, I’ll report it.
January 26th, 2007 at 1:00 am
Whenever I hear the word ‘cunt’ I think it sounds so old-fashioned. I picture a grizzled old prospector saying, “Lemme me see that there cunnyhole!”
I realized I was truly a nerd when I heard that the Smut Report was on pornographic video games and thought, “Finally, a Smut Report I know something about!”
The first pornographic video game I can remember was called Custer’s Revenge. It was an unauthorized Atari game made around 1981 or ‘82. George Custer was a Southern General who suffered a terrible defeat by the Native Americans at the Battle of Little Bighorn. In Custer’s Revenge, George Custer is a crudely rendered naked man who must avoid various obstacles to reach his goal of raping a Native American woman tied to a post. Thus getting his revenge, I guess. Hilariously, Wikipedia points out that people found the pornographic element of the game “inadequate.” I don’t know what they were expecting from an Atari game.
Also according to Wikipedia, the same company that made that masterpiece also made Beat ‘Em & Eat ‘Em, where you control two women at the base of a building trying to catch and swallow the semen of a man ejaculating off the roof.
Even with all the advances that seem to have been made from Custer’s Revenge to Super Hottie 2 (or whatever it was) I still don’t see the appeal of a game where the goal is to have sex. Why would I do all that work just so some other guy can get off? I did have The Sims. But I think in the first game all you did was click a button that said “Have Baby” and that was it. No shaking bed. That certainly would’ve encouraged me to make the Sims do it more, because just having kids appear sucked. I think I may have even killed a few on purpose.
January 26th, 2007 at 9:21 am
Ryan, you are truly a nerd.
Hearing the name ‘Custer’s Revenge’ made me realise that this was a title I’d heard mentioned in hushed tones when I was a kid. Just the idea of a sexually explicit Atari 2600 game makes me laugh. I went to the wikipedia entry to get a look at it, and the screenshot is pretty funny. The unfortunate victim of racial genocide and sexual assault (both of which always feature prominently in my fantasies) looks a bit like a cartoon ant; you know, the kind who would carry off an entire picnic, including blanket and picnickers, in a Warner Bros. cartoon.