Sun 27 Aug 2006
In this episode:
* Poor old Pluto
* Mythological underworlds
* The joys of Who Wants to be a Superhero?
* Tom Cruise is still mad
* The Dianetics van
* The joys of Monkey Magic
* Beetle-faced superheroes
And then a new Smut Report, with sexy professions, an extra penis update, porn choreography, and a movie review courtesy of listener Steven from Watsonia. Plus, Jana throws down the gauntlet with a porn movie recommendation challenge for you, the listener.
August 28th, 2006 at 9:45 am
Hey Zan love the new tune. Too bad about the microphone mixup…show content was good though.
Geez, when Jana puts out a challenge, she reeealy puts out a challenge! I know there will be many people doing their homework on this one.
August 28th, 2006 at 10:02 am
Yeah, I was dumb, but my only excuse is that I was really tired. That’s also why I couldn’t remember the name ‘Hades’, and was confused about the plural of ‘penis’. Of course, for the plural to be ‘penii’ the word would have to be ‘penUs’, not ‘penIs’. The New Delhi knob surgeon was right, we were wrong.
August 28th, 2006 at 11:25 am
Zan,
I agree that “penes,” pronouced to rhyme with “weenies,” sounds completely wrong. You can take some comfort in knowing that “penises” is OK, too!
-Vibeeen
August 28th, 2006 at 9:04 pm
We forgive you for the wrong side of the mic sound.
Yeah, suck it Pluto! I always thought that dwarf planet was worthless. Take that!
The Roman ferryman is coincidentally named “Bob.” Who knew?
I wonder if the demotion of Pluto screws up all the predictions of all those nutter astrologists?
August 29th, 2006 at 5:46 am
I’ve been thinking your chat about sex with two penises. It could actually be an advantage, especially if they’re stacked vertically (i.e., not side-by-side). Zan mentioned double-penetration, which could be double-vaginal, or simultaneous vaginal-anal (if you’re into that).
Another benefit would be enhanced clitoral stimulation. A couple could start doggie-style, with the man using his upper cock. The lower one, presumably hard, would swing with his motions, and give her clit a friendly, light smack on each thrust. Once the upper cock comes, the couple could switch to missionary position, using the lower cock for penetration, while the slippery, flagging upper cock could stroke her vulva up and down with each thrust.
Even if the cocks get hard, ejaculate, and detumesce simultaneously, either position would still have this added tactile benefit for the lady! And if the cocks work independently, that’s twice the fun!
So, if it were me, I would definitely keep them both. Unless I could make one big-but-not-too-big one out of two smaller ones. I agree with Zan–I’d cash in on the porn market. I’m sure people would pay good money to see two hot starlets, simultaneously sucking one cock each, or one riding the lower cock cowgirl-style while the other sucks the upper cock.
There is the problem of anonymity, as Jana said, and I agree. I wouldn’t want family, friends, colleagues, or voters to know it was me (just kidding about the voters). So, I’d play the part of an Adam West/Batman-like camp porn superhero, and always leave my mask on, even during lovemaking. I’d call myself (wait for it…) “The Double Header!” My sidekick could be called, “Dinky.” I could even wear condoms that make my cocks look like they’re also wearing my super-mask. My super-purpose could be to make the planet a more pieceful place (not a typo) by relieving sexual tension in the world, or at least half the world, who would then be more eager to make piece with the other half. My super-motto: “Sometimes one head isn’t enough,” or, “Two heads are better than one.” All kinds of bad porn dialog could result, like, “Double your pleasure, double your cum,” or, apres-sex with a single partner, “I told you two goes into one,” or, after sex with twins, “Talk about coming in pairs…” (I can hear Jana groaning now–c’mon, it’s supposed to be silly!) One of my arch enemies could be “The Diddler,” who uses her superpower to suppress sexual expression and make people masturbate too much, thus isolating them sexually. Of course, the world would be saved in the end when my Wild Willies come face-to-face with The Diddler, and her eyes are finally opened (along with a few other bits of her) to the magic of mutual MMmmmmmm.
-V
August 29th, 2006 at 6:27 am
I’m not a fan of knocking Pluto out of the planet lineup. When I was a young, I loved studying the planets, and if anything, I would’ve wanted more of them to learn about. I think they should’ve included UB-5WHATEVER and that big asteroid with the planets rather than exclude them all.
But maybe fewer planets will make it easier to learn. Why not get rid of all of them? I think we should only learn about Earth!
I might have to do a torrent-grab of that superhero show. Sounds good.
August 29th, 2006 at 9:37 am
Vibeen,
I’d pay to see that movie!
August 29th, 2006 at 12:50 pm
Cornel,
If it didn’t defeat the whole purpose, I’d pay to star in that movie!
-V
August 29th, 2006 at 12:57 pm
Vibeeen, I’ve learnt more about you from one post than I have from countless other posts and emails. I think you should start your own podcast so that you can disseminate your strange, perverted musings more widely.
August 29th, 2006 at 6:59 pm
I’d love to hear an interview of the man with two penises. e.g. “How do you turn the pages of porn mags whilst masturbating?”
In answer to your puzzling about what makes a planet, there used to be two simple rules:
1) Must have enough mass and thus gravity to pull it into a sphere or near-sphere
2) Must be in orbit around a star, but be neither a star nor a satellite of a planet
The recent change is to add a third rule:
3) Must be the dominant body in its orbital area
So, Pluto now fails on 3) as it crosses Neptune’s orbit, and Neptune is enormous compared with tiny Pluto.
There’s a lovely graphic here that put the sizes of the planets into perspective:
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976738821
Pluto’s orbit is around the Sun. It isn’t in orbit around anything else - but it does have an eliptical orbit.
August 29th, 2006 at 9:52 pm
On the basis that you wait ages for a bus then two come along at once, Monkey was shown on British television at the same time as Water Margin, both charming tales of the same ilk. Both were very popular here.
It was a very long time ago, but I remember preferring Water Margin because Monkey had mutton-chop sidburns. For some reason unknown to myself I was vaguely frightened of people with excessive facial hair when I was a child.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_Margin
August 29th, 2006 at 11:01 pm
What I couldn’t help thinking about the two “penii” was that they wouldn’t be much use to me unless they came with two attached sacs. Then, once #1 was finished, #2 would be ready to go! And by the time #2 had got its job done, #1 would be ready to have another go. No waiting period.
August 30th, 2006 at 1:03 am
In defense of Mercury, the mass difference between it and Pluto is more than a factor of 25. Mercury is mostly made of iron, nickel, and rock (like Earth), while Pluto is basically a giant Sno-Cone.
August 30th, 2006 at 4:25 am
Ryan,
I just spent an hour reading up on diphallus in medical literature. There is a wide range of presentations, from a relatively simple “Y” joint in the external penis (not unlike a double-headed snake), to dual, complete penises each with their own scrotum and testes (though I found no instance of two testes per scrotum), to even deeper levels of duplication, including the anus, bladder, intestines, and even lungs. The former cases are the rarest.
Other than the Indian gentleman in question, the case that comes closest to our interest appears to be Jean Baptista dos Santos, born in 1843, who had side-by-side, fully functional penises and three scrotums, with two testes in the middle one and one testis each in the outer. One report says he was able to do as you say, and ejaculate indepently in either penis at the age of 22, but later reports don’t mention it. Unfortunately for Baptista, he also had an extra appendage attached at his perineum (or “taint”, if you will). It resembled a backwards-facing leg, or more precisely two fused, underdeveloped legs, complete with knee joint, feet, toes and sensation, but no mobility. It was attached to his body by a finger-sized appendage, and he was able to bind the extra leg to another leg, and live a normal public life.
Interestingly, there Batista had a contemporary, Blanche Dumas, the “Three Legged Courtesan,” who had two vaginas and a simlilar, underdeveloped leg attached at her sacrum. She could have sex with either vagina, and is rumored to have had sex with Batista, who was touring with sideshows at the same time as she.
It sounds like this Indian man is an even more remarkable case than Batista, since every case I read of redundant, functional genitalia also involved some additional deformity. I’m sure Woodrow will chime in with more info and clarifications.
-V
August 30th, 2006 at 5:47 am
This comments board should count as either a health credit hour or a history credit hour. I’m not sure which.
August 30th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
——- Zan wrote: ——-
Vibeeen, I’ve learnt more about you from one post than I have from countless other posts and emails. I think you should start your own podcast so that you can disseminate your strange, perverted musings more widely.
————————
Thanks for the complement! I do “run” a podcast (at http://shepcast.blogspot.com) which is a nightly helping of the great American radio humorist Jean Shepherd. I don’t personally do any of the content, I just line up Shep’s shows and upload them. Since I’m comfortable with the technical end, I suggested to my lovely wife that we try a couple’s podcast, but she’s too shy. Too bad. I really prefer the couple format. I haven’t found a single-guy comedy podcast I’ve stuck with for long.
Here’s a thought: Perhaps you and Jana could run a contest every once in a while, asking your listeners to produce a 5-7 minute segment for your show. The segment should be well-produced, with good sound quality, good production values, bumpers, and with engaging, original, entertaining, fun content (in keeping with BYU). The winning segment would be played on Bob’s Yer Uncle. I’d submit one or two, and see how it goes!
Cheers,
-V
August 31st, 2006 at 1:41 am
———Zebulon wrote———-
The recent change is to add a third rule:
3) Must be the dominant body in its orbital area
So, Pluto now fails on 3) as it crosses Neptune’s orbit, and Neptune is enormous compared with tiny Pluto.
——————————–
I think you’ve captured the spirit, but not the letter of the new rule. I think the third rule reads that a planet must have “cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.” One of the flaws in this rule is that Neptune hasn’t cleared Pluto, so Neptune is not a planet. This opinion of from Dr. Alan Stern, NASA’s head of the New Horizons program. Dr Stern goes on to say that Earth, Mars, and Jupiter have similarly not cleared out their orbital paths either.
You can read more about it in this BBC article. There is a backlash brewing over Pluto’s demotion, not only because the new rule was born of bad blood between planetary dynamicists and geologists, but also because the final vote included a mere 4% of the voting body.
As for me, Pluto is a planet. The IAU (at least 4% of it) can get stuffed.
-V
August 31st, 2006 at 9:40 am
Vibeeen, I think the BBC has wilfully misunderstood the new rule for sensationalism reasons and taken the phrase at its face value.
Here’s an article defining what ‘clearing the neighbourhood’ actually means:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clearing_the_neighbourhood
It states that
“A contrary view is that having ‘cleared the neighborhood’ refers to an object being the dominant mass in its vicinity, e.g. Earth is many times more massive than all of the NEAs [near Earth asteroids] combined.”
The new rule doesn’t make any sense unless you take this view. If not, perhaps Zan is right and astronomers = dumb?
August 31st, 2006 at 10:03 am
There’s more information and a reasonable photo of the genitalia of a two-penis-man here:
http://www.assfullofcum.com/diphallic.html
It’s actually quite a scholarly article, considering the web address! The photo is a bit grainy but it doesn’t look obviously faked.
August 31st, 2006 at 11:30 am
Hey Zebulon,
Yeah, despite the colorful URL, the article sounds scholarly because it’s copied right out of Anomalies and Curiosities of Medicine by George M. Gould and Walter L. Pyle whose book seems to be one of the few authoritative works on the subject. (Scroll about 70% down, or Find “Acton” to jump to the passage.) In my travels I saw the same picture, or illustrations derived from it, in several places. I think it’s legit.
About Pluto, I agree with Wiki that the rule makes no sense using a literal interpretation of “clearing the neighborhood.” I consider myself an amateur astronomer, and while Zan’s “astronomers are dumb” statement is hard to accept, and I haven’t read the official IAU position, my opinion right now is that the IAU, or at least the tiny fraction of them that voted Pluto out, really blew it. I suspect the issue will come up again in another three years, next the the IAU meets. Or perhaps after the New Horizons spacecraft gets to Pluto in 2015.
Cheers,
-V
August 31st, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Vibeen runs a Jean Shepard podcast! I have to hear this. Coincidentally, there’s a secret backwards hidden message in my latest podcast, recorded yesterday, that says “Always drink your Ovaltine.” No lie.
September 1st, 2006 at 12:07 am
Ryan,
“A crummy commercial.” Nice reference!
-V
September 1st, 2006 at 11:08 am
FYI everyone,
“Who Wants To Be A Superhero” is running a marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel, next Thursday, 9/7, from 10:00am EDT to 4:00pm EDT.
-V